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Once upon a
time, there lived a man who had a
terrible passion for baked beans. He
loved them, but they always had an
embarrassing and somewhat lively
reaction on him. One day he met a girl
and fell in love. When it became
apparent that they would marry, he
thought to himself, she'll never go
through with the marriage with me
carrying on like this, so he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A
few months later, on his birthday and on
the way home from work, his car broke
down. Since they lived in the country,
he called his wife and told her that he
would be late because he had to walk
home. On his way home, he passed a small
cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked
beans overwhelmed him. Since he still
had several miles to walk he figured he
could walk off any ill affects before he
got home. It was, after all, his
birthday. So he went in and ordered, and
before leaving had 3 extra large
helpings of baked beans.
All the way home he putt-putted. By the
time he arrived home he felt reasonably
safe. His wife met him at the door and
seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him, and led him
to his chair at the head of the table
and made him promise not to peak. At
this point he was beginning to feel
another one coming on. Just as his wife
was about to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She again made him
promise not to peek until she returned,
and away she went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the
opportunity. He shifted his weight to
one leg and let go. It was not only
loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a
hard time breathing, so he felt for his
napkin and fanned the air about him. He
had just started to feel better, when
another urge came on. He raised his leg
and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To
keep from gagging, he tried fanning his
arms a while, hoping the smell would
dissipate. He got another urge. This was
a real blue ribbon winner, the windows
shook, the dishes on the table rattled
and a minute later the flowers on the
table were dead.
With his blindfold still on, when he
heard the phone farewells he neatly laid
his napkin on his lap and folded his
hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly,
he was the picture of innocence when his
wife walked in. Apologizing for taking
so long, she asked if he had peeked at
the dinner table. After assuring her he
had not peeked, she removed the
blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were
twelve dinner guests seated around the
table for his surprise birthday party.
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