Who sings "Love me tender",
and makes Christmas toys?
Santa's little Elvis
What do you do when your mom and dad don't wake up on Christmas morning?
Go ahead and open your presents!
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph
What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
How many Californians does it take to put the star on the Christmas tree.
One hundred and one. One that actually places the star and a hundred to share the experience.
How many Surrealists does it take to decorate a Christmas tree?
The fish.
What's fat and has red dots all over?
Santa clause with chicken pox!
What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Comet
What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle!
What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
What kind of a virus can reindeer catch?
The Reindeer flu. (flew)
What is Frosty the Snowman's favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes
What does Santa like to eat in the morning?
A cold bowl of cereal.
What is the name of a famous song and what all children want to happen?
Let it snow , Let it snow , Let it snow!
Explain in one word Santa's suit after he goes down a chimney.
Dirty
What do Santa's beard and a Christmas tree have in common?
They both need trimming!
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus as he looked out the window?
It looks like rain dear (reindeer).
What kind of cereal does Santa eat?
Snowflakes!
What has 4 legs, 4 ears, 1 tail, 2 bottoms, 4 eyes, 2 noses and 2 mouths?
Santa Claus on a reindeer.
When the cow crossed the road on Christmas what did he say?
Mooooory Christmas!
Which two letters describe a slippery sidewalk?
I C (icy).
A elf declared that forty reindeers have eighty-four legs. How come?
Forty reindeers have eighty forelegs!
Which moves faster: heat or cold?
Heat. (Everybody can catch a cold.)
What two letters are used by the elves to describe Santa's bag the day after Christmas?
M T (empty)
Which burn longer: the candles on a Christmas cake, on a fruit cake or on the mantle of a fireplace?
They all burn shorter.
What is the longest word in the English language?
Smiles. (There a mile between the first and last letter.)
What kind of coat can you put on a toy only when its wet?
A coat of paint.
It's Christmas day, how can your pocket be empty and still have something in it?
When it has a hole.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because they can't walk that distance.
As I was going to the North Pole
I met nine elves;
Each elf had nine reindeers,
Each reindeer had nine bags,
Each bag had nine puppies,
And each bag had also nine cats,
Reindeers, elves, puppies and cats,
How many were going to the North Pole?
Only myself. The elves were going in the opposite direction.
What do you get when a cat walks along the beach?
Sandy Claws!
Did you know there's only 12 seconds in a year?
Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd...
Two fathers and two sons have unwrapped three gifts. Yet each of them has only one gift. Why?
That are grandfather, father and son.
Why do you go to bed on Christmas Eve?
Because the bed won't come to you.
What bites but has no teeth?
Frost.
What is the end of Christmas?
The letter S.
Is it better to write a letter to Santa on an empty stomach or a full stomach?
It is better to write it on paper
Why does the reindeer go over the mountain?
Because it can't go under it?
What was Santa doing when he got a virus?
Playing on the internet.
